星期一, 四月 23, 2007

我也很想她

《联合早报 -- 四方八面》 2007年4月23日

Jennifer 2004年4月24 日逝世至今也有三年了。我偶尔还会梦到她。梦里她仍是一如往昔,非常忙碌,但情神愉快;除了教书、写专业论文, 和忙校务外,就是上电视、到电台录音,及替早报与晚报撰稿。感觉上她并没有离开这个世界,有时候我到四楼的女士洗手间,下意识还会转过头,看看她会不会从她以前的办公室走出来与我闲聊。

可能是因为她走的时候是那么的潇洒,所以我总会遐想她只是去渡假:像是一位佩了宝剑的江湖侠女到处周游列国,等到她有一天回来后,我们又能够促膝畅谈两岸政局,或是分享她到过各国的所见所闻。

只是这个假她渡得特别久、特别长,非常令人想念。

当年我刚生下彦廷,除了上课、写论文,还要赶回家煮饭、喂奶,带二岁大的彦妤。友仁不赞成我们聘请一位全职帮佣,钟点女佣只有在周末才到家里做清理工作,所以除非我能够及时生出四双手(变成八爪鱼),确实难再腾出时间继续经营《天平秤》一栏。可是说不写也不能够摊摊手就逃之夭夭,总要找人顶我落下的空档。Jennifer 那时已是早报言论版的常客,因此跟她商量,要求她也定期替《四方八面》写文章。

记得当时她睁了一双大眼睛瞪着我,说她不擅长写文绉绉的文体,我还真得费尽口舌才能哄她上“贼船”(这是我们俩日后常说的笑话,老编请莫怪)。没想到她这“上船”就是七年。七年里她经营《一心集》非常开心,写得不亦乐乎。崇拜她的读者成群成林,连搭德士、到餐厅买食物都因为有她的忠实读者而获优待。我常取笑她用文章“贿赂”新加坡人心,不过私底下却对她浩然正气、和对我们国家诚心的爱护肃然起敬。

我最欣赏的还是她坦然、豪爽、不造作的个性。她生于台湾,人虽长期住在他乡,但心仍系着故土,非常关注两岸问题。在这方面她很执著自己的立场,常在报上和网上发表比较主观的意见,不肯妥协,因此曾得罪一些读者;冲动的几位还打电话骂她,甚至在她患病的时候写信诅咒她。到她家探望的时候,她把信拿出来,我看了都为她伤心难过。她倒是一点也不畏惧,那时脸上坚定和勇敢的表情,至今还深深烙印在我的脑海里。

是的, 我也很想她;我们都一样。你们少了一位好教授、好作家、好社论家;我则少了一位挚友。

(作者按:此篇为纪念吾友茆懿心博士(凌雁)逝世三周年而写)

蓝璐璐
10.4.2007

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我想...

对我来说四月是令人伤感的月份, 2003年4月25日我院走了一位庄平雷博士; 一年后,茆懿心博士也跟着走了。

记得Jennifer 走的那个上午, 她精神看起来还蛮好的, 除了呼吸有点困难外,还能跟我和另外一位同事陈素娟博士谈天。

她还打趣地问我们:医生说我过不了今天,你们认为呢?

我们心里难过都来不及,怎么回她?

她也一直追问我们当天的日期和时间,然后喃喃自语说:平雷是去年的明日走的...

我们更是伤心...

我最忘不了的是她临终的一句话:我要走了,还有什么事情要我做的吗?快说!

我们说没有,叫她放心,她才静下来。

她到了最后还是念念不忘要为他人做一些什么事。Jennifer 就是这样一位性情中人。

真是很想她...


4 条评论:

匿名 说...

I remember that in her last few articles in《一心集》, 茆懿心博士 showed true concern for the well-being of her domestic helper even when she was suffering from cancer. When she was featured in the media (TV and zaobao) during her last weeks, she still looked cheerful, was working hard in her job, and also put up a brave front to encourage other cancer patients. I admire her for her courage and selflessness. We will always remember her ...

蓝璐璐 Lan Luh Luh 说...

Yes, actually in her last days, the thing that she feared most was the thought of not being able to write her articles in《一心集》anymore. Because of the cancer, her vision was blurred and her bones were aching. A few of us actually offered to write while she dictate, but she turned the idea down and would rather write herself.

She was a real fighter until the very end. A truly courageous and admirable person ...

匿名 说...

Hi,it was after reading your article dated 23 April 07 that I came to know that 茆懿心博士 has passed away! No wonder I did not come across her article anymore. I missed them!

蓝璐璐 Lan Luh Luh 说...

Yes, it has been 3 years since her passing. How time flies ...

If she were around, she would definitely have continued to write. She was very passionate about it and it gave her so much joy, even in her last days.